Can you transmute energy like a carrot seed?

Ever doubt magic? Here’s some real life magic. That little teeny weeny seed gets planted, it transmutes the energy of the water and dirt, expands it, changes the colors, and makes it sweet and crunchy AND builds nutrients into it so we in turn can use it. That carrot came from that TINY little seed!!

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When you get out of your mental mind and just be in awe of this insanely magical occurrence, life takes on WAY more possibility. If a seed transmutes energy that massively and it occurs all the time in nature and you are nature… then why can’t you? Where are you limited?

This is something we explore in The Change Militia … this morning I suggested we start calling it Energy School or Magic School  Before I understood how I use, generate, waste, restore my energy I was much less efficient with my choices. Now, when I engage with others in any situation I am curious about what is going on. As a result, life has become lighter and much more fulfilling because I can choose to take action aligned with my intentions, in ways that generate more energy for me.

You gain energy from food, other people, your environment, movement, etc but if you don´t know how to metabolize the endless influx of energy available at all times, you can´t use it. AND most people unknowingly spend tons of energy trying to resist all that incoming energy and fuel resulting in feelings of stress, overwhelm, and stuck.

When you understand how to use your energy and that around you, you can let go of drama and limitations and create from a really fun and powerful place. You can stop wasting your energy and start cultivating it.

It´s not "woo-woo" to create with energy – that´s what seeds do! It's science and that is what Jeff has really done, help me and the others members understand how to metabolize more energy and use the energy to create what we want. It´s just like the seed that turns into the carrot. It´s magic but there is also logic around it all and everyone can access it when they know how and practice. It is explainable in a way that our mind can understand.

Choose to be curious,

Kelly

Being present changes time and energy

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The practice of presence changes time and energy. I was pretty tired and physically drained when I went to feed the farm animals today. I was alone because both my trusty sidekick and my backup were gone for today.

I started out feeling a bit overwhelmed like “how will I get it all done with the energy I have?” 😩 (total future projection) and then I looked at Pancho the donkey here and what came to mind was the Buddhist saying, “chop wood, carry water.” Just do the work in front of you. Fill one hay bag. Then take it slowly to the pen. Fill the water. Pet your friends. And continue onwards. Speed is not required, presence is what is needed to finish this job. And immediately it got easy! And fun!

I was present and having fun with now worries of time or energy. And just as I did start feeling physically “done”, I was actually done :) 

No matter how challenging something is emotionally or physically, stay present and time and energy expands. This works every time, no fail, in all areas of my life. Presence is powerful.

GAME CHANGER: Here's WHY you limit your joy, success, contentment, intimacy, and fulfillment.

GAME CHANGER:

“Disease and dysfunction are not the WHY, but the WAY you limit your joy, success, contentment, intimacy, and fulfillment.”

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When Jeff shared this a few years ago it was like a light went on… or more like a nuclear reactor of possibility exploded! Everyone and every system had been teaching me my whole life that I had to react to my dysfunctions and that they were something I had to deal with, talk about, process through, meditate on, get rid of, etc.

Talk about a power shift!!! This awareness empowered me in a new way… what if I was so damn powerful that I was simply using my dysfunctions to keep me small and comfortable? What if I was simply afraid that if I was TOO happy, intimate, big, radiant and bodacious that I would feel out of control … well that is EXACTLY what I realized had been happening for the 30 years prior.

I wasn’t afraid of not being enough, I was afraid of being too much!

Too successful, too radiant, too fucking awesome and then I might not be accepted anymore. BAM!

I always knew I was capable of more but I wasn’t sure how. This was a doorway out of the mainstream limitations I had experienced into the more I desired!

Where are YOU are also using your dysfunctions and disease as a really effective way to limit yourself?

Choose to be curious,
Kelly

This kind of selfish changes the world.

We live in a culture that seems to vacillate between valuing service to others above self or greedily seeking self-gratification.

But when we highly value our own personal sense of fulfillment we can have both – serve others at a higher level and create opportunities for material growth.

There is what I hear in the conversations I have with clients:

First, the people I talk to are really smart and like what they do but FEEL STUCK.

But here what else shows up after stuck:

They ALL say within our first conversation some variation of “There must be something more” or “This isn’t enough” – they’re referring to work and life.

The desire isn’t only for more stuff, experiences or higher levels of success; it’s for a feeling they know they want but can’t figure out how to have. It’s a deep-seated desire to FEEL something more as a result of what they are creating in the world.

In the material world, fulfillment looks different to everyone but inside it seems to FEEL quite similar.

Powerful. Effortless. Expansive. Possible. Playful. Curious. Connected. Creative. Possible. Light. Loving. Ease.

High vibes.

When you experience fulfillment moment after moment, you start to radiate these high vibes. It ripples out to family, team members, clients, customers, partners, and strangers you meet.

FULFILLMENT IS HIGHLY ATTRACTIVE.

The value you get by investing in your own sense of fulfillment ends up creating opportunity for you AND serving others. This kind of selfish changes the world.

 

My empathy upgrade, homelessness and what changed.

“We spend so much of our time working and driving toward our goals so we can feel something more fulfilling yet in ONE moment in time with some dirty, ill, stranger I felt the potential of what my whole life could feel like.”

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Let me say that except for a couple key shameful moments in elementary school I have always been a nice and compassionate person. My work was driven by my feelings of connection to others and my desire to help.

BUT SOMETHING WAS MISSING.  I was lacking a depth of connection that I desired.

What I learned in the past few years (from powerful Jeff´s practices) is that I tend to be very mental, a fast thinker, and at times an over thinker. Nice and compassionate are actually primarily thinking states. I tried to connect to others through thoughts about the situation. This is pretty common here in our culture.

This pattern also creates a distance between others and me so that was the feeling of something missing… I was actually creating distance while desiring closeness. 

Yikes, what a realization!!

Empathy on the other hand engages me mentally, physically, emotionally, energetically and relationally. Jeff suggests a definition might be Empathy = Compassion + Intimacy. The whole me experiences empathy. The practices allowed me to know myself  and experience this INCREDIBLY satiating experience.

WHY IT MATTERS:

When I am aware and connected to myself and can experience empathy, I am actually seeing YOU. It´s not about me.

I’m not in my head. I don’t need you or the situation to be ok, so I can be ok. (aka codependence) In a way, your state does not affect me … I can feel what you feel but it is not draining me, pulling me or activating me to fix it or avoid it. NO DRAMA.

FOR EXAMPLE, historically when I would see a person who was homeless or mentally ill, I would have all this energy moving, I'd get all tweaked like the world was fucked up and why weren't we doing anything – the activist would get all riled up in me. OR I would get clinical about the how and why since that was something I did for work.

This turned that person into an object for me to fix rather than feel what I feared would overwhelm me.

It was all about me. This is the energy that would cause you or I to give them money, which is nice and compassionate, but then not feel really connected or intimate. It was safe.

Recently though, I saw a young man in So Cal go into a trashcan and pull out something and start eating. He was so dirty, he looked like a wild animal. My response was completely different. I paused, and felt him. I could FEEL him moving through space with me. I was not overcome with sadness, stories, judgment, fear or the need to fix. I was present and responded to the situation.

I was actually curious about this human and his experience and realized that I have no idea what he is experiencing or feeling so I could not project anything on to him. I touched his arm and asked if he wanted something to eat. I felt no fear of being overwhelmed. He looked me in the eye and said yes please.

That moment blew my heart open.

WE ARE INTERESTING BEINGS. We spend so much of our time working and driving toward our goals so we can feel something more fulfilling yet in ONE moment in time with some dirty, ill, stranger I felt the potential of what my whole life could feel like.

My ability to feel empathy has changed my experience of life and it was not because I started thinking in a new way. I learned to go within and feel in a new way. I am in a daily practice to bring this into all areas of my life and notice my resistance as it rises

... because what if I felt that open and expanded all of the time?

 

It takes less energy to be big & radiant … NOT more

Yes, it’s true! It takes less energy to be big – NOT more.

This week someone expressed that they felt it would take a lot of energy to get from where they are, to feeling big and magnetizing like me … more energy than they could imagine generating.

While I so appreciate that affirmation of who I am being, I have to debunk the idea that it requires a lot of energy to be this way.

I am going to share another video from the trails and a ridiculously simple drawing. Sometimes the most profound things are the most simple and elementary.

And … my friend Linda, an amazing professional artist, prodded me while having lunch recently to use more raw drawings to express concepts. I am a visual thinker and I often draw ideas to share them with clients and friends when I see that they are not “getting” something and it often helps.

Stuffy “professionalism” is quickly heading out the door in this post but I assure you, if you get the ideas I share, your professional life will also improve.

It is an illusion that it will take more time and energy to be bigger, more radiant, happier, etc – you actually generate energy when you are big. Watch the 4-minute video to get the basics:

 

 

 

Now to take it to the visual – your energy naturally expands outward with ease and flow. YOU ALREADY ARE RADIANT… under all that bullsh*t you are spewing at yourself.

To be more comfortable aka smaller and “safer”, your mind gets involved – usually this starts at a young age – and wastes a ton of your energy by focusing and repeating non-sense like in the diagram on the right below. These statements and the zillion customized variations you are creating, burn off that radiance.

It requires energy to stay small. Lots of it.

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And then, it becomes a habit.

In order to be bigger, you simply stop the effort to keep yourself small and allow your goodness to expand out, attract rad opportunities, cool people, share ideas, share delight, etc. – like the drawing on the left. You simply let it be and acknowledge how awesome you are rather than trying to stop it.

It may require support to change your habit and some new tools to deal with your discomfort of all that goodness.

And then you have all that energy back to do more creative, fun stuff!

The crazy thing is that those who choose to be their radiant selves are rare.

Choose to be curious,

Kelly

Who you are being matters more than what you are doing or saying.

{ Right now, who you are being matters more than what you are doing or saying. }

As I scrolled through FB this morning I noticed something - how many people I see that don't realize the power they have to change things RIGHT NOW. 

Not in the future, not in the next election, not when you make a lot of money, have power or a big title. Right now. 

Who you are being ripples out effects constantly. So what you think and feel create your being. For example, if you are saying something about love but feeling fear in your body… what I “sense” from you its actually NOT love but a configuration closer to fear and misalignment. That is what you are rippling out.

How I read people's “being” is how YOU read people too. We are constantly looking for how someone is BEING. 

This is why all the work I do with clients starts by going inside and becoming conscious of who they are being. The results ripple out from that. Relationships evolve, business increases, joy elevates, ease becomes available. People pay me to do this work with them because they know that BEing someone who creates these results requires attention and new tools in our life kit. Your Being is invaluable actually. It can move mountains.

There is an ILLUSION that we bought into that what we DO is more important than anything. That illusion will keep us from what we really desire for as long as we keep buying into it. 

You have more power to change the world RIGHT NOW than when you DO something later today or in the future. 

Notice who you are Being when you post that post, make that call or connect with then next person. 

Mahatma Gandhi is a perfect example. He changed the trajectory of a country by BEing love. It pervaded everything and changed millions people. BUT IT STARTED WITHIN HIM. He didn't preach it, change laws, make donations or achieve things to get there …  first he became the configuration of love and was Being it so others could feel it, be attracted to it, mirror it and ripple it.

Who you are being matters more than what you are doing or saying right now. BE the person who changes the world from the inside out.

Love,

Kelly

Why am I talking about this? A simple experiment to gain back energy

When I started asking this question, which eventually became one of The Curiosity Experiment cards, I was starting to notice that talking was one of the ways I burn off my extra energy aka my potential.

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Through numerous conversations with my wise other half, Jeff, I became aware of the multitude of ways that I was wasting my energy – energy and focus that could be used to create awesome things, share ideas or serve more people.

In a culture that highly values intellect and our expression of it, we often talk to prove our value, cement who we are and what we believe and to connect. But when we are talking, if we are not paying attention, it often creates distance, not intimacy. Typically we learn that talking equals connection and intimacy, which is in reality, is most often not true.

Intimacy unleashes HUGE potential so I want to explore how to be intimate more often.

So I started asking, “Why am I talking about this?”, throughout the day. I started noticing and still do, how often what I say is unnecessary and how often I am talking to burn off extra energy, NOT to create more potential and intimacy.

Being intimate, connecting more and making a bigger ripple effect is more important than talking to me. Through The Change Militia practices, I am learning to FEEL when I am “TOO” VITALIZED, and might choose to DO SOMETHING to burn off that vitality – like talk a lot. I FEEL discomfort arise and I can choose something that will help me feel at ease and be connected rather than simply alleviate the discomfort. Then I am tapping more of my potential.

DOES THIS SOUND NUTTY? Give it a try. Ask throughout the day, why am I talking about this? Be curious and notice if it is actually a contribution or necessary OR if it just feels good to talk because that is familiar.

Choose to be curious – practices that help you trust and know yourself through experimenting will help you have greater long-term success and fulfillment.

Kelly

What does it mean to be a kindness warrior? … especially in the seemingly current daily chaos.

I saw my post Instagram from many months ago and was pondering how it fits in my world now.

Being a kindness warrior is really all about changing the world from the inside out. I honestly had no idea what kindness really was or how powerful it was until I met Jeff 8 years ago. I´ve said this before but his example and continuing practice showed me another way.

I was SO unkind to myself and as a result, too often, to others in my life. My previous life involved a daily barrage of meanness to myself which led to me saying and doing things I used to fuel more self-judgment and hatred. Ouch.

I was so demanding because I wanted the world to be a better place!  I demanded that people wake up and be loving, tolerant, generous to the poor, caring to the animals, and engaged and aware of our environment. I was seeing things in my life overseas and terrified that people here were in the dark. I saw the media was lying, I saw the destruction of cultures and I wanted to save the forests in these remote places. So much fear and suffering in my body. So much judgment.

In the last many years, I experienced how nice and kind are quite different. And compassion and empathy are so different.

Kind and demand do not go together. Ranting to and about other people and how bad things were, was not kind and it did not change much for the better, it simply perpetuated division and judgment.

People would mostly say that previously I was nice and compassionate. Now I see, that nice and compassionate lack depth, they were more mental constructs I thought my way to. I could be ¨nice¨ to others by DOING something nice, all the while FEELING like I sucked. I THOUGHT my way to nice & compassionate, but I FEEL & BE empathetic and kind which allows for more connection with others.

My emotional, physical, energetic, mental – are all engaged when I am BEING kind and empathetic. It is incredibly satiating and empowering. I got there by doing some practices that allowed me to experience this new way of being.

THIS HAS BEEN A LIFE CHANGER. So now, the world continues on, the same as it was 20 years ago, perhaps worse. Chaos and destruction exist but I see it and respond to it in a whole new way. I am changing myself first. I am BEING kind to others and me. As a result, my fear level is incredibly low compared to when I was unkind to myself, which allows me to take clear, results oriented action. And I like myself, and others a lot more … even when we disagree.

Kindness is not weak it is powerful. It has the power to change the world.

And being a kindness warrior is not demanding that anyone be anything else, it is me being more aware of what kindness looks like in every moment of my life inside and out.

Choose to be curious,

Kelly

 

Your avoidance of conflict may cost you … literally.

"Women that I know don’t want to be the bad guy." Those were the words that a business owner recently shared with me while discussing conflict.

I was sharing how I help clients to communicate more effectively and in how many ways it helps create more time and success in their lives. As we were talking, she shared that if she had been able to manage conversations better with a former employee that she would have saved $300,000 in a lawsuit.

Culturally, many women have learned that “being nice” equates with avoiding conflict. Somehow the message is that if you enter into conflict and say what you mean that you will be the bag guy or worse a bitch. That “nice girls” and ladylike behavior calls for quite and polite or someone to smooth over an uncomfortable situation.

Avoiding conflict or uncomfortable situations doesn’t make them go away. In fact the avoidance can actually create a worse conflict with highly uncomfortable results. When we avoid it, we send the message that we want to distance ourselves and avoid the other person involved.  And we don’t like when people want to avoid us – it often triggers feelings of rejection, fear and ultimately anger in us. And when we feel anger, we can get petty and do unkind things… like suing a former employer and friend that we used to like.

Situations of conflict are affected 100% by perception. What I might perceive and respond to quite easily, may be a situation that triggers is much tension for you that you flight, fight or flee. If I handle it easily I save energy, feel lighter, can move onto the next situation without any baggage.  When we get bogged down by a interaction that we defined as conflicted, we expend energy before, during and after the interaction – energy that could be used for things we love or other creative ideas.

The emotion of fear can become as heavy as real solid matter. We can choose to identify it as simply an emotion that arises as we look at the potential of what might happen.  The potential that the person I am about to talk with might be angry, sad, excited…it is all unknown how they will react so we become fearful and create stories around outcomes that haven’t even happened yet.

1.     Conflict is often based around change – a change in a situation, conversation, relationship, emotion, etc.

2.     People fear change because it makes them feel emotionally unsafe when they do not know what is about to happen, they fear that they won’t be able to manage the result, or they fear they will lose power.

3.     Avoiding the conflict creates a situation where the fear of change can now build and create a bigger more dramatic situation to be dealt with

4.     People just want to know what is coming next and what they can expect so they can mitigate their discomfort and fear of the unknown.

5.     Approaching an uncomfortable situation directly, transparently and kindly will diffuse tension and close the distance between you. If you avoid the situation, now you have increased the unknown for them and the distance between you and the other person.

6.     Result of avoidance: More fear, anger, poor decision making (aka lawsuit), retaliation, disrespect….Etc.

7.     Result of engagement: Though it may not be joyful at the end you have increased understanding, diffused fear, potential for moving forward respectfully.

When people are in fear we make bad decisions.  

People like to feel connected. Creating a connection with the person you are in conflict with, gives you a new approach. It can help diffuse the fear for both of you. I have written before about direct, transparent, kind communication. When we use these three points in an interaction we shift the dynamics between two people. We do not have to agree with one another to maintain a respectful connection and move through conflict in a way that productive for both of us.

Most people have not had it modeled for them how conflict can be handled easily and fluidly. This is one of the things I work on with clients because the voidance of conflict drains time and energy and is exhausting way more than the “conflict” itself.

But if I am completely me, they’ll think I’m unprofessional.

I spent an extraordinary amount of energy in my professional life “keeping it all together.” I had gathered the impression in my life that I couldn’t be “too” anything and still be accepted as a professional.

I couldn’t be too opinionated, too loud, too vibrant, too feminine, be too goofy, too playful, too emotional, make too many mistakes, ask too many questions, etc.  I felt a deeper fear of being judged as not qualified to hold a powerful position if I was too much of me. So I embraced the masculine sides of myself that were more controlled.

I know many women feel this way in the world of business. They are also holding themselves to standards that define how they “should be” in their role and they leave the other parts of themselves out. When they put on their work attire for the day they also create emotional containers around themselves that limit what they will tolerate from themselves at work.

Weighing out what we do in any situation is a huge part of being a professional. So yes, we must be self-aware. But many women are actually not in a state of self-aware, they are in a state of vigilance and anxiety when something becomes “too much.”

We get to this place from conditioning and messaging from family, society, colleagues and we strive to be “balanced” and stay in our containers so that we are accepted and valued.

The other place I see this is the conversation for women around “having a balanced life.” Balancing work, children, play, friends, social outlets. Don’t give too much but also watch that you don’t give too little. “Fu*k balance” is what I hear in my head whenever I am reading some magazine article about women balancing their lives to stay healthy. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Balance is another form of controlling ourselves so we are expending a bunch of our energy making sure we aren’t “too” anything.

A passionate life is more of what I advocate for. When we are embracing the moment of strong opinion, interest, activity, idea we generate more energy for ourselves. Embracing the desire to relax, rest and rejuvenate by allowing it 100% of our focus is how we generate energy. This creates a state of ease rather than an effort to stay balanced.

Women who are powerful and attract me the most are the ones who are “too” anything. I don’t always have to agree with them but I deeply appreciate that they awaken me and make me think and feel.

I used to strive to tamp down parts of me that might lead to judgment … and truthfully at times I still struggle with this. Changing habitual reactions takes time. I have a practice of being aware and I catch myself sooner. So when that feeling in my stomach arises and that voice starts telling me to quiet down, or that I don’t want to rock the boat … I watch it, hear it and then make a decision to move forward.

And it continues to fascinate and invigorate me that people are way more interested when I am unleashed, vulnerable and real.

The quote I often see on bumper stickers just came to my mind “Well behaved women rarely make history” by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. I know that most women don’t actually care about making history but the quote always triggers images of creating big and feeling fully engaged, of playing full out and creating a ripple effect in other people.

And since work and life are just parts of this big experiment called life – why not play with the results you get when you are “too” something. It is more likely that only you think you are being “too much” when really others are feeling your passion and your presence.

 

 

 

Tension creates limitation. Ease creates potential.

I flew back to the west coast recently after working with two awesome women in DC. I had a connection in Salt Lake City and I was envisioning sitting next to an amazing woman who would be really interesting on each leg of the trip. But that wasn’t quite how it panned out.

I am always really curious and interested in the power of body language and how we use our physical body to invite connection or keep it at bay. When I sat down on my second leg of the trip, my 19-year-old seatmate quickly informed me that he was flying home to California from an unplanned 90-day drug rehab in Montana. His parents had admitted him and he said they saved his life. He was clearly anxious and was speaking quickly. He was clearly uncertain and very excited to get back to the familiar.

As he started talking, I could physically sense the people all around us tensing their bodies. They pulled out their papers, books or headphones in a clear and obvious attempt to create distance. His body language was saying, “Help, I want to feel safe here and I need all of your help to do that” … except everyone around him was shutting down.

Our bodies make great defense systems when we tense up. We send unseen messages to others that they are not welcome or that they shouldn’t enter our space. It gives us a perceived safety from the emotional world around us. Mostly I sense that we fear overwhelm. What if we let someone into our space and they seem unpredictable and we don’t know how to manage their demands on us emotionally? So we quickly shut people out that we don’t have the skills to handle.

The problem here is not only that we don’t allow ourselves to connect with others – it also drains our energy to resist and create tension against them.

Using your body to interact with others effectively and knowing literally what to say to maintain control of your energy, gives you power and ease. You CAN connect to others without it feeling unpredictable or overwhelming.

When I observed the people around us shutting him out, I felt compassion for him. I could sense that he was scared and there was a lot happening in his life – a quiet plane ride was torture for him. I did have the skills to manage his demands without draining my energy. So I softened, felt ease in my body and my mind. I chose body language that allowed him to feel safe and accepted while not inviting in too much conversation or drain. Talking doesn’t mean connection.  I answered his questions, I read, I gave him a pen to draw with to decrease his anxiety.

I used my body language to create fluid boundaries not walls. I left with lots of energy. I felt kindness and love for myself, and this stranger that I let into my space.  I felt connected though we only spoke 100 words.

When we can hold this space for people, we become highly attractive and we have energy to spare. We attract great people to our lives, clients, team members, friends … particularly other people who can also hold space for us to feel connected.

What would your work and life look like if you were at ease and knew exactly how to communicate and connect with the right people?