Thinking you should be special or not be special are both distractions
In 2014 I went to Las Vegas with a friend for an event. At that point I had never hired a coach. I didn’t really know what coaching meant. I had been consulting and freelancing and doing what was essentially coaching, but I wasn’t calling it that.
My friend invited me and I said yes. The way I operate in my life is through a gut feeling that arises. When it’s a yes in my body, it’s a yes. So I drove to Vegas and went to this big coaching event—hundreds of people in the room. At the end of the weekend the coach made an offer for a year of coaching. On a whim, I said yes.
All said and done it was about $70,000 for the year.
At the time I wasn’t making that much money. I was in transition and didn’t fully know what I wanted to do. But when there’s a yes in my body, I trust it. I’ve always known the money will come. So I started coaching with her.
There were good things that came from that year. And mostly what happened was months of upheaval in my awareness. It felt like digging under everything—lighting up all my self-doubt and all the ways I didn’t feel good about myself. It was business coaching, but it was constantly poking those wounds.
Eventually I stopped. Around month eleven I said, I can’t do this anymore. It was making me feel worse about myself, not better. That whole year ended up being a powerful teaching for me because it shaped the way I coach today. I never want someone to leave a conversation with me feeling less love for themselves. Exploration is part of the process, but the intention is always healing and returning to love so people can create from that place.
Near the end of that year we were on a group call and she said to me in front of everyone:
“Your problem is that you want to be special.”
And in that moment I knew she didn’t see me.
Because the truth was the opposite.
My whole life I had been trying not to be special. I didn’t want attention. I didn’t want to stand out. Being seen as “too much” always felt uncomfortable.
So when she said that, something in me broke. Shortly after that call, I stopped working with her.
But that moment stayed with me for years. At the time I thought: She’s wrong. But over the years, through my spiritual practices and personal work, I realized something interesting - my desire not to be special was also the ego.
Anywhere we hide from our true selves is still the ego managing things. What I see now is that there’s a middle ground.
Sometimes I am special. Sometimes I have a unique perspective. Sometimes something I say changes someone’s life … And most of the time I’m just a human being walking around the world, eating, talking, going about my day.
Both are true. Sometimes I will be the most special thing that happened to someone that day. And sometimes I completely don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. That’s reality.
The freedom comes in the middle when I’m not trying to be special and I’m not trying to hide from being special.
This is where real creation happens. Real love. Real connection. Real presence.
Because I’m not spending energy proving that I’m enough, and I’m not spending energy trying not to be too much. I’m just here.
If I’m making a piece of art, it shouldn’t be about my need to be special or not special. The art is the art. My job is to be a conduit for what wants to come through.
The same is true in leadership. When I’m not focused on myself—my ego, my story—I can actually see the person in front of me. I can see what wants to be created in a project, a business, or a community.
When the ego quiets down, creation becomes pure. Each of us has this ability. It’s not special. It’s just part of being human. We’re all channels of creation.
What gets in the way is the mind constantly telling us we’re not enough, we’re too much, we should be different, we should be better. All of that is the ego trying to manage things.
But when we let that go, we come back to the middle. And from that place, things simply move through us.
Sometimes what we create will be extraordinary. Sometimes it will be completely mundane. And that’s okay. Not everything needs to be special. Some things are simply part of the process of creation.
So when you notice yourself trying to be special… or trying not to be special… You might just pause and come back to the center.
Right here.
Where you’re simply alive and available for life to move through you. That’s where the real magic happens.
An Invitation
This reflection is from The Frequency, a space where I share conversations and explorations like this one—about creation, awareness, leadership, and living with more freedom and presence.
If this resonates with you, you’re welcome to join us.
You can learn more about The Frequency here.